A Navy Story
"Hurry up and wait."
Can neither confirm nor deny the date is April 2014
“What does the fox say?”, asked Senior Chief while me and another guy lay in a pool of ice, holding ice blocks above our heads. Just our faces and arms are above the water. We’ve been submerged in here for many minutes.
“Bap bap bap bap bap-bap brrrrrr!”, we tried shouting but the shivering from being so cold was taking over. Everyone in the Torpedo Room erupted into laughter. If you don’t know that song, it’s The Fox by Ylvis. Went viral years ago when it first came out…. It is now my turn to slither my way to the end of the Torpedo Tube. It is slimy inside, with a strong smell of algae and salt.
“THOEL!!! Name all the seas in the Arctic Ocean!!”, yells Senior. He’s shining a bright flashlight down the tube; my breath created fog and made the light rays’ shimmer in the darkness. “The Barents Sea, the Kara Sea, umm the Greenland Sea, ummm what else?” I rack my brain for more geography knowledge while staring at the outer hatch, just mere inches of steel separating me from the crushing depths of the ocean.
*Record scratch sound* Now you might be wondering how I got into this situation. Let me fill you in.
In maritime traditions going far back into history, it is common to hold a ceremony when transiting certain Latitudes, Longitudes, or special geographical locations. For those whose first time it is to cross such a spot, they get to be initiated into that areas particular Order by “Neptune’s Court” (the senior guys who have done it before). You might be thinking this sounds like a hazing event, and way back in the day it most surely was. After one too many horror stories however, Big Navy had to step in and create some regulations. Now in the present, things are much calmer.
Different crossings have different names, and different boats undergo their own unique variations of the event. We were crossing the Arctic Circle today, so we get to participate in what’s called the Bluenose Ceremony. It is one of the many things we got to do during our surge deployment to [redacted]. At classified depth and coordinates, a Submarines actions are hidden from the world. For those who have been on one, you will understand. For all others, I’ll try to paint you a picture.
The current boat I served on was at the General Dynamics shipyard in Groton, Connecticut. When certain events occurred in 2014, there was an increase in political tensions. Another submarine was ordered to sea immediately with full load out. They came to us asking for volunteers to support some gaps in the watch bill. Two of us would fill the empty chairs in Sonar. A Machinist Mate would come as well to support A-Gang. We grabbed our seabags and headed to the pier. The three of us joined the crew in formation during All Hands Call. I remember the Captain saying there was no telling how long we would be out for. He gave us some platitudes about America, supporting freedom and upholding our oaths to the Constitution. We then had a pizza party, and right before casting off the mooring lines I recall them blasting Katy Perry-Dark Horse ft. Juicy J. The bass during his lyrics echoing across the Thames River. That was pretty funny.
So there I was, lined up with all the others in the Upper-Level Passageway. We were made to don an ice necklace that was required to be worn the entire duration of the event. Its magical powers causing our chests and neck to welt up in stinging rebellion. The Court took a few nose cones from the torpedoes and froze water inside, turning them into ice chairs. We sit on them nudged inside the Escape Hatch and sing more songs while the fire hose gently showers us. The other guy from my division made these shirts for both of us to represent our boat. He drew and colored a crushed six pack of cans and labeled it Mini-Soda(our boat was the USS Minnesota). We wore this along with swim trunks and our Navy issued shower sandals. I still have the shirt but its nearly rags now.
Next up on the list is building Neptune’s Trident. A collection of nuts and bolts lay at the bottom of a thick ice bucket. We have to puzzle the pieces together. This one was pretty difficult. The longer you take, the harder it gets. My fingers quickly become sausages and I struggled to feel the correct parts to put together. After I had finished my geography lessons, I climbed out of the Torpedo Tube for an appointment with Neptune’s Barber. One of the nukes (the guys who work maneuvering in the aft section), he dressed himself up in a pirate costume. He was a good actor to, putting on a classic themed accent. He rubs Cisco and cookie dough into my hair. Spinning wild stories about the judgement I would soon receive from the King himself. Every man must face The Court alone and you’ll either pass or join Davy Jones (metaphorically of course). I have no idea what will happen next.
When my time has come, I am called. Judgement is held in the Galley. They constructed a narrow tunnel where I have to crawl on my hands and knees to get through. There is a fan at the end blowing strongly at me that helps “air dry” my wet skin. When I turn the corner, it takes a long second to get my bearings to what I’m looking at. First of all, on the TV they were playing Frozen. I hear her singing “Do you want to build a snowmannnn??” There are a dozen guys in here. Scanning the group, I don’t know who some of them are. A few are wearing masks with their costumes. Neptune is perched imposingly on the center table. With a Crown, wig, beard, and blue cape. Sitting to his right was perhaps the Advisor(?), he speaks in a deep voice: “You must entertain us or eat the cherry from the Jester.” I look down and see one of the Fire Control Techs, the fattest guy on the boat, sitting in front of me legs spread, wearing one of those rainbow-colored circus hats with the bells on top, no shirt, and a freshly shaved belly button loaded with whip cream and a cherry. He looks at me with a head nod up, raised eyebrows, and says “You trying to build a snowman?” I don’t remember what jokes I attempted to tell them. I was really sucking at Stand-Up, and The Court did not look amused. Neptune points down. I was then left with no other choice. “Yaaaaa eat that cherry” says the FT as I get on my knees and dig it all out. It is what it is. When that was over the Advisor says a quick speech and declares me a Bluenose, smothering jelly on my nose.
I go up to take a shower, but the cookie dough has solidified into my hair, and it would not come out easily even after scrubbing hard. The hot water was soothing out the swollen, bright red section on my chest that held the ice necklace. I hear Senior yelling to hurry up and relieve the watch so they can cycle the rest of the guys through and resume normal operations.
There’s no pictures of this event. It can be quite difficult to get a photo onboard without accidently capturing something sensitive to National Security. But sometimes, the best memories have no pictures.
Now how does my time in the Navy tie into traveling the world? Well three reasons.
1. A desire for adventure.
2. I was in the Navy for 5 years, so it was easy to save a lot of money.
Most of the guys I served with spent all of their money on cars. To each their own. I had this travel dream in my mind for decades.
3. I unfortunately spent most of my time stuck in the shipyard. Being hammered with endless drills, cleaning, and a 3-day duty rotation. Not the adventure I had hoped for.
This frustration however was the spark to the fire. I became galvanized to make the adventure happen now in my own way. Barely five weeks after signing my discharge papers, I was on the plane to New Zealand and the rest is history. So, in that regard the military still helped me.
I joined when I was 18, and back then it still was the best option for me during that period of my life. Would I recommend it? I don’t know, do what’s best for you. I won’t get too political, but my views have changed throughout the years, most especially influenced from all the places I’ve been to. You really start thinking deep after you’ve seen so many landscapes, listened to so many life stories, and have come upon so many unique perspectives. The kind of thoughts I hope to unravel for you throughout this blog, and eventually in a book.
There are more stories I’ll share with you in the future. Life on a submarine cannot easily be explained. It was its own journey, and laid part of the foundation for where I am today. Sitting on a mountain of reflection.
Thanks for reading!
-AbroadwithBrian